i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
tell me about the eggs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
