i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
