he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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