hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
