weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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