my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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