I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
