Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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