You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
