i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You smell like stripper and shame
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
