so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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