She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
