im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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