hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
