HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
