you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
