Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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