Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
