Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
