in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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