She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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