we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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