the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
