I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
