i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
