Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
