What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
