So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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