please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
