You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
