it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
