How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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