your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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