after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
