Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
