Buhtt sex?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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