youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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