I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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