pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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