I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
