It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Drake has all the answers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
