Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
