Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
