It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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