All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
