North Korea, Best Korea!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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