OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
