Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
