Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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