When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
