Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
