the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
