you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
