I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
